It feel’s like I sat in the car, a full country’s length away from my normal life. Years of marital problems had come to a head in the preceding weeks and after an agreement to work on these problems and an understanding that they weren’t going to be solved overnight. A nearly tangible tentativeness and awkwardness hung in the air between the reality and life.

I have made it to the outskirts of London City centre, my childhood home. As my motivation driving me towards my destination place where I want to be. I pointed out the landmarks to lighten the mood and breath energy to those cannot find motivation in the end after motivation you’ll find discipline.

As a kid I always wanted to know that what I matters, but growing up it always seemed that the opposite was true Or not ? that I was either meant to be invisible or to be despised such as like something someone stepped in your own shoes but glad they didn’t then you will see life in different way. I could put up with the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ mentality for most of the years, but then my birthday party would come, and that was the one day a year when it was really supposed to be all about me. I was supposed to matter but others matters this who giving you time in their But year after year, parties would fall flat or get snowed out, and hopes would be disappointed, and that question seemed to be answered negatively. But I couldn’t shake a stubborn hope that I did matter, despite it all.

By the time of my fourteenth birthday in regards I was pretty depressed about the results and I purposefully didn’t plan anything for my birthday something to celebrate so that I wouldn’t be disappointed. But there was still a tiny sliver of hope—that I didn’t even want to admit to myself—that someone would sweep in and do something special and prove me wrong. Of course, that didn’t happen, and I remember going for a walk in the woods behind my house instead, finding this tree and carving my initials into it, pressing the sadness and rejection into its innocent bark. I think I was hoping that someday, someone would go back there with me, see my initials, remember that day with me and would tell me that day mattered because I mattered myself .

My hope that I would be shown to matter to someone was just too stubborn to die.

When my story going to be finished, my achievements going to step up and going to respond in the best and the scariest way to those who have to dislike cry and moan like a baby and I be going to putting a smile on my face with my team to enjoy burger chips and anything we going to would like to eat and toast to the life.